Fear and (self) loathing in the tattoo parlor

Fear-and-Loathing-In-Las-Vegas-6301As a teenager in the suburbs, there’s not a ton to do. Most kids wind up committing to being jocks or scholars shooting for the Ivy League purely from lack of diverse choices alone. Others just float along and enjoy youth, aka, look for trouble.

The laminate on my driver’s license barely formed a seal before I sped to the gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes. I’d never smoked before – not even just pretending to inhale – but I was an unsupervised, restless teenager who wanted to breathe fire. And in the 90’s, carding for cigarettes really wasn’t a thing. After all, most of the people working at gas stations were classmates from my high school. Continue reading

Just my two cents

crazy-eyesAdvice to those thinking about settling down?
Marry an orphan – you’ll thank me at the holidays.

Advice to someone whose boss treats him like a clown?
Life’s too short. Sooner than later you should part ways.

Advice to someone who feels restless, confused and lost?
Call your best buddy and then buy a Powerball ticket.

Advice to someone whose friend takes advantage at any cost?
Friendship is a two way street – tell ’em where to stick it.

Advice to someone who takes advice from a stranger on the internet?
That’s pretty silly; you probably shouldn’t do that.



Sorry, my crystal ball is broken right now

crystal ballI’ve never been a long-term thinker. I visibly cringe during job interviews when I get the clichéd and dreaded, “So…tell me…where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

I have no idea. There are just about one bazillion factors that could change where I see myself in 5 years. If I win the Powerball, I’ll probably be in some bungalow up in Seattle, looking out on the ocean and working with a pet rescue. If I get hit by a bus and have to learn how to walk again, I might be living with my parents, having been abandoned by a husband who was supposed to stick with me in sickness and in health. If life goes on status quo, I’ll probably be right here, glued to a computer screen and working 60 hours a week. Continue reading

It’s all right, ’cause I’m…

Ah, the glory days

Ah, the glory days

I admit it: I got sucked into watching The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story on Lifetime this weekend. Yes, I tuned into Lifetime and got a look at what life was like behind the scenes of the SBTB set, at least according to Screech, errrr, Dustin.

To say this was a giddily-enjoyed guilty pleasure is an understatement. I sat perched on my couch with a glass of Skinny Girl peach margarita and soaked up every minute of the flash back to the 90s. The 90s…the good ol’ days. The 90’s…when Mark Paul Gosselar rocked big blond hair and dark caterpillar eyebrows.

Continue reading