An inadvertent case of grand theft auto

All cars kind of look the same, right?

All cars kind of look the same, right?

Nobody has ever called me a girly girl. As a kid, I preferred off-roading on my Huffy bike and shooting hoops in the driveway to dressing up in princess outfits and playing with Barbie. I never rocked a perfect coif or sported the hottest fashions. But I wasn’t exactly a tomboy, either. I surrounded myself in a village of adorable stuffed animals and spent hours meticulously crafting jewelry and clothespin dolls.

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Def Leppard and the Origins of my Crippling Public Speaking Phobia

I'm hot, sticky sweet.

I’m hot, sticky sweet.

Before I got the ol’ heave ho from Catholic school at the end of my 6th grade year, I had been quite the model student. Hell, even during and after my ousting from Catholic school, I was just about as perfectly behaved of a student as you can imagine. Did I just write “hell”? I guess I’ve come a long way.

My parents and brother did a good job insulating me as a child. And being 7 years younger than my brother and the 2nd child, I had a lot of experience entertaining myself. I spent hours sitting underneath the dining room table and reading books. Or saddling a Strawberry Shortcake doll on one of my My Little Pony dolls and letting them gallop around for a while. Or gaping at the TV. I was a pretty self-sufficient kid. Continue reading

You take the good, you take the bad

The clouds in the background give this statement extra gravity.

The clouds in the background give this statement extra gravity.

At a very young age, I learned that every action we take has consequences. And that we must live with those consequences and accept our reality.

A prime example of this? When I was about 9 years old, I decided that I absolutely had to have the same hairstyle as one of my television “heroes.”

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Growing up in a plaid flannel teenage wasteland

Plaid flannel grunge

Not a day went by where I wasn’t decked out in some plaid flannel

It took me almost 13 years to discover that I loved – that I lived for – music. Blame it on the fact that when I was a young child, my mom’s radio tendencies skewed toward classical music, Neil Diamond or Katrina and the Waves. Or perhaps my dad is to blame for my lack of interest in music as a child. He showed zero interest in music then, and to this day I have no idea if he prefers Dave Matthews or David Lee Roth. All I know about my father’s musical tastes is that he vomited during a Kenny G show many years ago, and for that, I am a proud daughter.  Continue reading

Like a younger, female, Democrat version of Alex P. Keaton

If only I still had my collection today. I'd be rich, I tell ya!

If only I still had my collection today. I’d be rich, I tell ya!

When I was a kid, I loved money. Who am I kidding? It’s not like I hate it now. I hoarded so much cash as a child, I could have been the star of an A&E episode. Get $5 for a birthday? Time for my dad to pay out allowance? Ca-ching! I popped those sweet bills straight on top of the pile I kept hidden in my bedroom. Continue reading